Sailing a Thistle

Is really fucking hard. Here is an excerpt from a conversation had between myself and the gentleman gracious enough to instruct me on a nice (albeit windy) Wednesday afternoon:

Instructor: A lot people have trouble pointing the boat into the wind when it strengthens...some people just get it and some don't. It looks like you're a natural.

Me: (secretly glowing inside) Alright...Maybe we can try jibing....Prepare to jibe!....Jibe Ho!

Instructor: Uh you're overstea.....SPLASH...gurgle gurgle gurgle...oh shit...gurgle gurgle

Me: gurgle gurgle I'll get the gurgle bucket

The cool thing is that no one was too pissed and we managed to keep the boat from capsizing...Man you just can't have an ego if you're gonna learn anything. These boats just won't let you.

All of my posessions are now in a storage box

It isn't even the larger sized PackRat...Yep, I sold my house and now my wife and I are living with my mother while we search for a new abode. This is not as bad as it sounds. To be honest, I really like the idea of NOT owning a house. If there were any places in Delaware worth renting, I'd give it serious consideration.

I guess it is kind of a bummer when you tell people you're living with your folks until your can find a new house. Our society does not look fondly upon this type of behavior although in many circumstances it makes the most sense. I know many people who probably should move in with 'rents for a while, but instead they work really hard at jobs they hate to afford apartments and houses. Just goes to show you how powerful culture can be...I for one, will suffer the verbal abuse until the time is right and I find a house worth buying...Go ahead call me a loser.

Modern American Parenting Blows

Barring very few exceptions, the majority of young parents I know today are complete assholes. Everything in the universe focuses on the development of their child, as if the human race has not been perpetuating itself for the last age or more. The sad thing is that its not even their fault. I mean, what do you do in a society that tells you that everything your young child does, from pooping to playing sports will affect him for the rest of his life? Every stick of carrot, or drop of soda, is a potential key to worldly success, or a life of...gulp...mediocrity. Honestly, what is a parent to do?

Calm the fuck down is what. I have been a huge fan of Tom Hodgkinson's work for the last few years. His books, How to be Idle, and The Freedom Manifesto argue for a saner world, in which its inhabitants seek more pleasure out of life and spend less time fretting about the future. Recently he has written a series of articles entitled "The Idle Parent" in which he outlines his thoughts on parenting. We really should just calm the fuck down.

Oddly enough, this brings me to the Catholic Church. I am a recovering Catholic and in spite of the fact that I hold the majority of its teachings in disdain, I did get married in a church. Its a long story. Anyway, my wife and I had to take classes in "Catholic marriage" and most of what they taught was predictably total bullshit, HOWEVER, I was struck with one concept that above all made sense to me. Married couples should live for each other, NOT their children. This will lead to a happy marriage and by extension, happier children. The teacher explained it like this:

"Once when I was younger, I complained to my mother that I did not approve of her choice for dinner. She replied, 'I don't cook for YOU, I cook for your FATHER' It was right then that I knew my place in the world, and it was comforting."

So, yeah, calm the fuck down already, your kid will probably be just fine.

I Leave for Italy on Friday

Every year my wife and I take a group of students abroad for spring break. This year, its Italy. I'm not as excited as you might imagine about our trip. Sure, it'll be fun to watch the kids experience a new culture et cetera, but I've found Italy (at least the parts most frequently visited by Americans) to be entirely too touristy. I mean, if it were any more geared towards large tour groups, there would be actors dressed in large plush costumes selling candy.

Don't get me wrong, I am not one of those snobby backpacker types that needs everything to be as "authentic" as possible. I really don't like the idea of getting malaria, or being uncomfortable to prove just how worldly I am. I just find the major Italian cities to be a bit too much. In Madrid for example, one could find a really nice little spot to have a coffee and not feel like a total outsider looking in. A lot depends on our tour guide...will she shuffle us from site to site or will be permitted time to roam free? I swear that pun was NOT intended....Now I kinda wish it was...shit.

People just abandon their boats when the can't pay for them

Marriage is like bullfight...Half the people are on the outside, trying to get in, and the other half are on the inside trying to get out.

So goes an old Spanish saying... In light of a recent article in the NYTIMES this dicho can easily apply to boat ownership. A new problem for authorities is boat abandonment. Instead of paying for upkeep or having their boats properly disposed of, it seems many people are just ditching them in rivers and bays or trying to scuttle them.

“They say, ‘I had a dream of sailing around the world, I just never got around to it.’ Then they have some bad times and they leave it to someone else to clean up the mess,”

I don't know why, but this quote makes me sad. Maybe its because I too have dreams of boat ownership, and I don't like to think that it won't work out and I'll be just another asshole who had extra cash and no idea what the hell he was doing. I guess that's why I'm taking it slow and working with a sailing club first despite the fact that now would be the PERFECT time to buy a boat.

I Thought Trains Were The Answer

Maybe I'm wrong...shit.

In his article "Trains are for Tourists" Randal O'Toole argues against a federal initiative to create a high speed train network in the United States. His argument is compelling. Bummer.

Ever since my time in Europe, I have been in love with the concept of a cheap and efficient train system in the United States. Train travel is just more pleasant than driving or flying. The problem is a $100 for a ride to from Wilmington, Delaware to NYC is far too expensive. Why can't I ride the rails from my hometown to Chicago without paying more than an airline ticket that would cost less?

So, when I heard that some federal money would be spent to increase rail travel I was excited. I imagined myself visiting friends across the country using safe, convenient and relatively inexpensive trains. Indeed, I've often dreamt of selling my car and moving to a city with great public transport. Reading my newspaper and sipping coffee on my way to work always sounded so appealing.

I should probably just move.

God I Hope This Winter Ends Soon

I just want some relief. I am so weary of the cold and grey. I hope that with this new season comes relief. I'm sick of being tired all of the time.

Why I should be happier about my life...

I've been feeling rather down lately and my wife decided to send me an email with over 40 reasons why I should be happier. I have provided a few samples.

8. You found a sailing club. What are the chances of finding a sailing club that cheap in this crappy state?!? Pretty slim and on top of it a club that normally has a huge wait list but they open the doors to you immediately… pretty good timing.

9. You are getting better looking as you get older… The majority of people get U-G-L-Y

15. You have a wife that loves you… Do you know how many people are sad and lonely…

18. You were not born in Ethiopia and b/c of it you know the taste of mussels and beer.

22. YOU HAVE A STAR TREK X-MAS TREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

27. Your wife can make a mean pie. My sister can barely work a ketchup bottle

30. You don’t have to handle the bills each month like a regular adult male. You have to hear about them but not actually use any mind power to really work those numbers (you’re welcome)

33. You own the movie "La Bamba" and it only cost me $5.00

40. You have a sexy pinup calendar hanging on your kitchen wall. Pretty lucky. Do you think Peter or Glenn or my Dad would be allowed to do that in their homes?

It worked.

Seriously, WTF Japan?

Dear Japan,

I'm worried about you and we need to have a serious talk. Usually, I enjoy your cultural and economic exports. I drive a Nissan, and Super Mario III is probably my all time favorite video game. I've even been known to watch some Evangelion, or Samurai Champloo from time to time, but I am little concerned about a recent article I read on slate.com. I mean, a video game based off of secretly stalking, then raping women on the subway system? I think that's a little over the top don't you?

Let's be honest Japan, we all know you're into some kink. Usually, your sense of moral ambiguity with regards to sexuality makes us over here in the US feel a little prudish, but raping a girl on your Nintendo for kicks just seems, I don't know, wrong.

I got to be honest, the weirdest thing about all of this is that to preserve Japanese standards in the video game, the characters' genitalia are always pixelated. So, covertly fondling an unsuspecting victim on a train, and then forcing her to have sex with you against her will is OK, as long as we can't see any pubes? WTF?!

Now, I know you might be inclined to respond that our standards are not your standards, but isn't there some universally accepted level of human decency? Can't we all agree that rape=bad? I'm worried about you Guy, and as a friend, I have to say something...

Sailing on the Delaware is Tricky

I belong to the New Castle Sailing Club and we sail Thistles and Flying Scots on the Delaware river.  Our sail area is known for a strong current, constantly shifting winds, and a plethora of unique obstacles like an underwater jetty, a shipping channel and innumerable crab pots.  We sail dinghies without motors and have an extremely good safety record.  

While it may seem like there are better places to sail, I think the conditions are damn fine.  After all it is OUR river.  The thistles in particular are very well suited to scooting up and down the river with ease.  All of the members I have sailed with are truly skilled.  

When you think of Delaware you don't usually think of sailing and that is a shame.  I like the idea of doing what you love where you live instead of having to travel far every time you want to go out.  The New Castle Sailing Club offers a cheap way to get out on the water and learn some actual sailing skills.  You should join it.

Field Guide to Public High School Teachers

Teachers are like snowflakes...Snowflakes that bitch A LOT.  Anyway, I have compiled some lists for anyone interested in categorizing the many types of teachers that are out there.  Enjoy!

 

1.  The Old Alligator:  Advanced age professional that is essentially a fixture in his or her school.  These teachers cannot be convinced that anything new is worthwhile, and are often heard saying things like "I've seen it all" or "This school is going to shit".   Their primary characteristic is durability since they have beaten the odds and made it past 5 years of teaching. Can often be found calculating days to retirement.  Alcohol consumption:  High

2.  The Martyr:  Did you ever see "Lean on Me" or "The Freedom Writers"?   The Martyr internalizes every sad story he or she hears and often blurs the boundaries between teacher and student.   Need some lunch money?  A ride home?  A place to live?  The Martyr is your best bet.  Martyrs tend to lead only nonpaying after school activities, since they can then use it to fuel their sense of moral superiority.   Ironically, these are the teachers most likely to complain about teacher salaries.  Alcohol consumption:  Low

3.  The Idealist:  Usually this is a recent college graduate with a relatively impressive resume.  The Idealist truly wants to believe in the system, and therefore will not take part in faculty lounge bitch sessions.  They take their jobs very seriously and work hard.  Needless to say, they typically do not last very long.  If they do manage to endure for more than a few years, they will often transform into Martyrs.  I know only one Idealist older than 30.                                  Alcohol consumption:  Directly proportional to number of years served and dreams shattered.   

  

4.  The Artful Dodger:  This category applies to teachers that neither practice solid methods, nor work very hard.  Simply put, they rely solely on their own charming personalities in any situation.  NEVER rely on an Artful Dodger for a favor, like a recommendation.  These teachers tend to be coaches, and are generally adored by students if for no other reason than because they show a lot of movies in class.  Alcohol consumption:  High

6.  The Race Hustler:  This teacher's talent is unique.  Any issue,  such as a problem with a student, a parent, a test grade, or even another teacher can be explained by the inherent racism in your school.  Kids not getting a concept?  Its because you're racist.  Having problems with discipline?  You are a racist.   Note:  under NO circumstances should you ever try to have a rational conversation regarding the Achievement Gap with a Race Hustler.  You're a racist pig for even thinking you could understand.  Alcohol consumption:  Low to moderate 

7.  The State Employee:  Essentially, the worst teacher ever.  This person decided to become a teacher due to a complete inability to be hired anywhere else.   The State Employee turns to the Noblest Profession because teachers are not very well monitored, and all teachers are payed off of the same scale regardless of ability.  They usually don't bother with lesson plans, and are constantly enraging students with their lack of organization or professionalism.  Try to help a State Employee and you'll find they believe they are doing everything perfectly.  State Employees LOVE tenure.  Alcohol consumption:  lowest  

8.  The Professional:  By far the rarest of all teachers.  This person arrives at work on time everyday, takes pride in his or her classroom and lesson plans, seeks to improve professionally and is always collegial.  While The Professional sincerely wants to help young people, he or she will never sacrifice personal boundaries or be taken advantage of.  Professionals tend to come from the business world where people are generally held accountable for their actions.  Alcohol consumption:  Moderate to high

  

My dogs are funny in the snow

Delawareans are pussies when it comes to snow

I absolutely LOVE IT when my district calls a snow day the night before...It restores my spirit.   I can now sleep off my wonderful birthday weekend.  My wife took me to Philadelphia and we ate and drank in style.  I could use an alka-setlzer and a nap and I shall have both in plenty all day tomorrow...

I'm a teacher and we don't work in the snow.  

Another year in the books

That's right, today is my birthday.  I plan to celebrate it with my wife, who is basically the greatest woman in the world.  This has been a tough year of life, and I am certain it would have been 10 times more difficult without her.  If I ever take her for granted, I need someone to smack me.  Hard.

Truth be told, that someone would probably be her, yet another reason why she is awesome.

I miss teaching my "ghetto" kids

Despite what you may think about teaching, sometimes the uninterested, illiterate, and disenfranchised students from the ghetto are much more fun to teach and can be more adult than the so-called "honors" kids. I would never have thought this when I was teaching only lower levels. At one time, I saw honors classes as The Good Life, where learning was appreciated and respected. After one year of suburban white kids, I am now thoroughly disillusioned.

Upper level students lie and cheat and complain constantly. They believe they are entitled to a good grade regardless of effort or ability. Its really fucking annoying. The parents of these "good" students are often despicable, encouraging their children to lie and cheat and bullying teachers to lower standards in order for their student to pass. Ask any AP or honors teacher and they'll tell you all about how annoying honors parents can be.

While "ghetto kids" have a whole range of very real problems, and can be problematic to deal with on a behavioral level (fights, language, parenthood, etc), they can impress you with a flexibility in thinking that I have not seen in honors classes. When caught cheating or doing something incorrect "Urban" kids are far more likely to simply tell the truth and accept consequences.

Go ahead, say I'm overgeneralizing...I'll write you a visitor's pass for my school and you can see for yourself.

Sometimes Bullshit Corporate Inspirational Posters Speak The Truth…

We’ve all seen them, usually in cheap framing, a black background and a photograph of a man climbing a mountain, a group of people skydiving, or an eagle with one large print word a the bottom of the photo like, “Persistence” or “Collaboration” and then underneath some quote or aphorism. These posters often serve no other purpose than to cover drywall in suburban office buildings, and they are everywhere. We tend to ignore them or make fun since it is clear that they are nothing but ham fisted attempts at creating a false sense of purpose. But sometimes if you are willing to admit it, sometimes, they can be exactly what you need to hear.

Very recently, I’ve been feeling mighty down. I won’t go into details but, in the midst of my sadness I have decided two things: I want to start a family, and I want to own my own sailboat. Simple as that…what I want.

To an outside observer, these may seem too simple, or maybe too easy, but fuck that, these are MY dreams and I’m taking them seriously. Sometimes I look at every obstacle and I get downhearted and even a little self pitying, but ultimately there are those that get what they want, and those that don’t, and I want these things.

So when I saw another piece of crap poster on the wall saying “A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline” I paused and thought, “right on” without scoffing at the stupid photograph. Maybe I’m finally growing up.